Glen Johnson May Have Improved This Weekend But He's Still In The Wrong Position

In this catastrophic season of Liverpool's, everything imaginable has gone wrong. A team that challenged for the title two years ago are now fortunate to be in the top half of the table. If there is one player who personifies the Liverpudlian inadequacies experiences this season, it has to be Glen Johnson. Like much of the team he has been in and out of the side with frustrating injuries and, when picked, he has been tame going forward and unstable in defence. Yesterday, facing his former club, he made some amends: scoring Liverpool's first goal, acting as a potent outlet down Liverpool's right, and playing his part in ensuring a clean sheet.

Johnson's good game, it must be remembered, came against West Ham - a team languishing at the foot of the table, less goals conceded by only Blackpool, and more scored than only Wigan. West Ham United are, in short, a side that should be comfortably beaten by even this Liverpool side. Its in this games, games where you can expect to dominate and press the opposition, that playing a winger in the position of a full back can be accepted. In other cases it is ridiculous.

That is what Glen Johnson is - a winger lost in the role of full back. Johnson has fantastic shooting ability, can cross the ball, and likes to (and is very able to) beat his man. Johnson however does not have a great understanding of how to defend, cannot tackle without a great risk of fouling the opposition, and is a liability when defending balls in the air. For some reason though, he is deployed in a position where his primary role is to defend, and attacking duties come on top of this. This reason is the view that modern full backs needs to be skilled in joining in attacks and provide width. Yes, fullbacks should venture forward. And yes, you want a player venturing forward to be competent in doing so, but these abilities must come as an added bonus once you have a full back that is able to defend.

A team requires stability in its defence - there must four consistent defenders in the team that can be relied on every week to minimise the chances of conceding. The wide defenders are useful for providing width during attacks, and while the team have possession they are not all that necessary at the back, but when called upon to defend it is vital that they are able to do so. A full back must be selected first and foremost for their defensive capabilities, and when a player (such as Ashley Cole) can defend and also offers great skill in attack, this is an added bonus. When a defender is picked for his non-defensive capabilities, it must be the centreback, who's passing is needed to link to the midfield and prevent the team from being pinned back, and who's aerial  prowess is often useful at both ends.

Glen Johnson has a better touch, shot and cross that Dirk Kuyt yet plays behind him. This is madness

Andy Carroll will do England proud

(firstly I'd like to welcome whatahitson's 2.5 readers back as I now have a fully functioning computer and can post again)

Andy Carroll has undoubtedly been one of the highest performing strikers in the premier league this season, following a fantastic championship campaign last season. He has been better that all of the seasoned England internationals and proved to be the most inspired signing of my fantasy league team. He has shown himself to have a good touch, strength, speed and more aerial ability than a harrier jump jet. His eye for goal has made him joint top scorer this season and he has added to this with four assists, hold up play and being the stand out player   of an impressive start to the season by Newcastle United. Tonight it has been confirmed that Fabio Capello will award his with his first cap.

Its not been all rosy for the young striker. He really needs a haircut and has been involved in multiple assault charges, contributing to a "bad boy" reputation. This has lead some to suggest that he is unfit to play for England with such a lifestyle. What? England players are picked based on life style? this must be new!

A quick look through the England squad shows countless fights, affairs and controversy amongst even (or especially) the darlings of the English game. Rio Ferdinand, the England captain, was unable to play for England during a major tournament because of a drugs ban, and has accumulated four driving bans along with having made a sex tape in Aiya Napa with Frank "83 caps for England" Lampard. Good example for young players? The vice captains no better: Steven Gerrard, in December 2008, punched a man in a Southport bar with "the speed and accuracy of a professional boxer". 

Wayne Rooney, a rival for Carroll's position, is a serial infidel and his short fuse and petulance have given his team problems on and off the pitch - yet he is worshipped by the media and the FA. And then there's John Terry, yes his colossal breach of trust early this year may have lost him his captaincy, but he wasn't known for being a great guy before that. He was involved in drunkenly mocking a group of American tourists in the wake of the 9/11 attacks, he was arrested in 2002 for bottling a bouncer and was recently found to be accepting money to give tours of the Chelsea training ground.

Whilst these are the clearest examples of the big players being no cleaner than Carroll, the England team sheet reads like a list of controversies. Ashley Cole and Peter Crouch have been in trouble recently along with many in the past.

If Andy Carroll has an inappropriate lifestyle for international selection, England need a whole new team. To be honest that would probably be a good thing.

Alright then, Lionel. I'll give Amnesty International a call (bit of a rant)

Barcelana are at it again with their own unique brand of tapping up - getting the players to publicly talk about the targeted player inevitably arriving at the club in a clear bit to unsettle a player under contact at another club. Fabregas has been courted by his international teammates all summer in a way that is completely disrespectful to Arsenal and does nothing more than show their arrogance. They have also done this to Javier Mascherano to the extent that he wouldn't play in Liverpool's defeat to Manchester City last Monday, but the last line of the ridiculous procession of headlines and soundbites is the most outrageous by far.

Lionel messi, a fanstic footballer but clearly a bit of an idiot and a lot of a twatt, pleaded that Liverpool act "humanely" and release Javier Mascherano. Oh the humanitarian injustice of being stuck in a contract where you exchange playing your favourite game for more money than you can spend! In the real world, outside playing football and driving a Bentley, people don't have a problem with fulfilling their contractual obligations - that's why they signed them. I can't think why Javier Mascherano's agent would allow him to sign a contact at Liverpool if it was violating his human rights - oh hang on - maybe it was because before Liverpool rescued him he was festering in West Ham's reserve team and disappearing off the radar of many top clubs.  Mascherano needs to be more grateful, and not see it as "inhumane" for his club to expect him to act according to his contract.

Can Maradona make things better for Villa?

After Sunday's performance and the catastrophic scoreline to boot, Villa's fans are rightfully despairing, having gone from being a team sniffing round the top four with a progressive and highly rated manager and some of England's growing talent to being a managerless club deserted by their star player and suffering the humiliation of a drubbing by a newly promoted side.  It is clear that to stop this downward slide Randy Lerner will have to act fast to replace Martin O'Neil with the right man. Why, you might ask, have I mentioned a comical flop of an international manger , Diego Maradona, in connection with the vacancy?

I would consider him because, while he may be a risk, he is the only option that does not symbolise targeting an accepting a mid-table, stable position instead of chasing after Spurs and Man City. The other names Steve Bruce, and Bob Bradley don't strike me as the sort to take the club forward, but can certainly slow their descent.

Maradona However has something special about him, hes a bit different, and will draw attention to Villa from around the world. He may be a madman, but he can attract more players and increase global support for what is not a glamourous club. When Maradona came to visit his Argentine at Melwood, the Liverpool players queued up to meet him. There are not many opposition managers who will have Steven Gerrard and Fernando Torres clambering to shake their hand, as if they had taken the position of an ordinary football fan. Maradona is regarding as being as close to a god as a man can be the man on the street of Buenos Aires  and by Argrentine footballers he is, god, Allah, Shiva, Zeus, Thor, Osiris and Poseidon combined - hes probably even Yoda too.  While I don't see Lionel Messi Lining up in claret and blue next season,  there would certainly be a draw for many Argentine players and also for other admirers of perhaps the finest ever player of the game. When they want to come it makes them cheaper. Mascherano? Aguero? If one comes the appeal grows.

The madness surrounding Diego Maradona comes with the genius, but thats the point, he is a footballing genuis, and once he gets in to his stride in the management game he may be able to prove it. Surely a player with such complete ability must have an impecable understanding of the game and will be able to spot things and change things. As a man manager he seems to have it easy, so many players have so much respect for the man that it helps him motivate them, and his passion is undeniable. While the cynics may find his touchline antics amusing there are some players who I'm sure would find this enthusiasm contagious - perhaps not those with a British mentality but some jibbering, emotional foreigners may join in in shedding tears with him and be surged to victory.

On the other hand the great player hasn't been a great manger so far, complete with his own 6-0 humiliation in Bolivia and if he can so effectively stifle Lionel Messi, what could he door to Ashley Young? It would be a sad sight to see Maradona as the villans' villan, jumping around as they struggle to retain npower league 2 status. The allure of Maradona comes from the fact that he is exotic, ellusive, never having played in England, and for many only cropped up every four years to excite and delight at the World cup. His goals had that added romanticis and his disgraces could be put at greater distance when he wasn't conducting his affairs at Old Trafford. Even his lows, scoring nothing but drug enduced highs for a time when we heard so little from him, other than the odd photo of a sad (and fat) case, far far away in a different world, made his seem more of a story and less of just "some guy". So my worry is that if he were to take up office at an familiar football club in a rainy West Midlands city, sipping pints with a fat, bald brummie, and appear every saturday desperatly clutching at anything that might inspire his mid table team to victory, then one of footballs greatest heroes and most iconic figures, would cease to be what he seemed to be and no longer represent footballing dreams.

Fuck it, what do I care? What my teams in 17th position and losing three-nil to Man City I'd gladly have the comic relief of a little man running around in suit or a gem of a press conference. Come -on Diego the premier league wants you!

Relapse

Its been a while, since my last post. I meant to post from South Africa but couldn't find a decent computer and afterwards entered the dry off season. But over the past two weekends football has reclaimed its rightful place and the forefront of our lives and this weekend has delivered everything necessary for a full Premier League hit after the agonising cold turkey that is summer.

We have seen fairly tale upsets such as Blackpool's first Premier League game ending in not only a victory for the new boys in town, but an emphatic trampsing of a Wigan side that did not look like seasoned premier league opposition. This adds the the less surprising one sided goals fests like that enjoyed at Stamford Bridge as the top flight hit West Brom like an icy shower.

The anticipation surrounding Manchester City's new look side came to and anticlimax as the most exiting team Mancini could imagine consisted of three holding players and no imagination, but City fans will be delighted with the form of their 'keeper Joe Hart who demonstrated just how poor a decision it was to let a West Ham player defend England's goal with an enchanting display against and dangerous looking Spurs. At the other end of  spectrum there was an array of goal keeping errors to feast on, from the standard failure to hold on the the ball (Carson) to the inability to protect the near post (Almunia) to comically bundling the ball into your own net (Reina, to be fair he was being fouled by that dirty Frenchman).

We've already seen players give a Fine display to (probably) round off their time at a club (Milner) and others walk out from training in a less dignified (probable) end to their contract (N'Zogbia).

We've seen spectacular goals such as David Jones's volleyed free-kick against Stoke and had the pleasure of seeing Aberdeen top the SPL courtesy of a hatrick of Paul Hartley penalties on his debut and Sheffield Wednesday struggle in the 3rd flight of English football.

But what does all this mean? What can we take from this? I'll tell you one thing: MY FANTASY LEAGUE TEAM IS FUCKED!

What Lions?

Lacklustre, not even good enough to be frustrating, England are doing their thing: disappointing us all. It is little surprise that the team were boo'd off the pitch and they oughtn't complain. The defence was rickety, the midfield lacked spark and I'm not sure If the attack really existed beyond a donkey and a ghost.

I've always defended Heskey's place in the England team, on the basis that other strikers play well with him and he often comes up with a good bit of hold up and link up play, but when he's clearly not making Rooney play well, its difficult to justify his selection. If Heskey plays you want to have two strikers in and around the box, close to each other and well serviced, this is how hes involved himself in some fantastic strike partnerships such as with Michael Owen and Amr Zaki. Tonight though, Capello seemed to think that in Heskey he had a quick young thoroughbred with a good touch - and that he really didn't. Heskey was chasing long balls all night, or trying to run at the defender. A moment that summed up the night was when he ran down the right channel, nearly fell over doing an ineffective stepover, then sliced a cross over the crossbar. This isn't Heskey's fault, we all know Heskey can't run, do stepovers or cross, but he was put in a position where he had to. When he wasn't auditioning for a Nike ad he was found loitering on the wing. This presents us with three questions: how will he get to the long ball played down the wing? What's he going to do when he gets there and has to beat a defender or cross or? And who's going to head it in when he's crossing it and Rooney's venturing so deep he's almost a sweeper. Of course questions two and three are only academic as Heskey will never successfully engineer a good crossing opportunity. I don't blame Heskey for England's performance; I feel sorry for him as he is a prime example of Capello's poor decisions and reluctance to change things that don't work.

Playing Gerrard on the Left may not have seen such stupidity at half past seven but after being ineffective for an hour, it would surely be better to try Joe Cole on the wing and free Gerrard to influence the game, as England's best moments came when Gerrard broke position. Instead, when Capello brought off Heskey he replaced him with another uninspiring striker and when he brought off Lennon he again made a like for like replacement, bring on Shaun Wright-Phillips. Yes both of these substitutes looked livlier than the starters but tactically nothing was changed and in the score nothing changed.

Englands defence may not fill us with confidence but that is a problem for later in the tournament....IF there is a later. Against Slovenia Fabio will have to arrange an effective attack out of Rooney, Gerrard, Lampard, Cole and Lennon. Difficult? Surely not!

If he can't motivate the team, just show them the Carlsberg advert!

Green's Fingers

My oh my, what a howler! Robert Green now takes his seat alongside Paul Robinson, Scott Carson and David Seaman on the bench of 'keepers who have humiliated themselves in an England shirt in recent years. He has also upheld a fine English tradition of disappointing in major tournaments.

But the Question now, of who should keep goal against Algeria, is thrown into everyone's minds. Often when a player makes a mistake a manager should show their faith in them by continuing to select them and support them through a tricky patch, otherwise the player can degrade completely into a twitching bag of nerves. Capello, should not, and I expect he will not, do this for Green; this is not a league campaign, it is a world cup, there is no more room for error and unless we manage to injure both David James and Joe Hart, we will not need Green again this tournament. As for him returning to his club a mess, I couldn't give a sun dried poodle shit is he struggles at West Ham next season - in fact I'd quite enjoy it.

That's it settled then. Drop Green. That leaves us with David James and Joe Hart. Calamity James or the man that's impressed the Premier League this season. I'm going to have to go with James. When you've just had a Keeper with little experience at international level or in big games screw up so spectacularly it would be unwise to replace his with someone younger, less experienced and perhaps just as shaken as Green. David James, at 39 years of age, has played 50 games for his country and in a career spanning 822 first team games, has played in cup finals, European competitions and made a myriad of amusing errors. The important thing is that he has learned how to recover from these errors and has the experience to stabilise the back five.

But although the goalkeeper is the most talked about problem with the England team last night, it is not the most pressing. Capello will be asking today how Rooney, the advertised talisman and messiah, managed to disappear for much of the game, how England can become more clinical infront of goal, how his team will manage without any pace between his centrebacks and how he managed to make such ineffectual substitutions.

The one positive England can take from the game is this man - Stevie G.

World Cup Groups: Group B

Group B consists of Argentina, Greece, Nigeria and South Korea

This is perhaps one one of the softer groups at the finals and Greece, Nigeria and South Korea will fancy their chances in this group above others while Argentina demonstrate how to get the least out of a team of stars. The Group play thier fist games on the 12th June before Englands first game.

Argentina

The big anomaly of qualifying, Argentina, only just crept into the finals despite one of the strongest squads imaginable in world football today. The team, losing 6-1 to Bolivia in La Paz, has a wealth of Talent including Lionel Messi, Gonzalo Higuain, Carlos Teves and Diego Milito in the way of forwards, all of whom have been amongst the best in Europe this season. Behind them options include Javier Mascherano, Angel Di Maria, Juan Sebeastian Veron and Maxi Rodriguez in Midfield and Walter Samuel and Martin Demichelis at the back. Argentina even have the luxury of being able to leave Javier Zanetti and Estaban Cambiaso, both of Inter Milan, at home. The only area of the team where Argentina do not have some of the worlds best are both full back positions and goalkeeper - having them would just be greedy. Why then haven't they taken the world to pieces with beautiful football? Diego Maradona manages them. For many he is the greatest ever football for others he is a dirty cheat but it is undeniable that his image is equivilent to that of Argentine football. Flamboyant moments of genuis and madness filled his playing career and his management style is no different - except maybe without the genius bit. Perhaps Cambiasso and Zanetti, who both played large roles in Internazionale's season winning both Serie A and the Champions League, were dropped not Because of Argentina's abundance of talent but because of Maradona's idiocy.

Star Players

 There are those who believe that Christiano Ronaldo is the best player in the world. There are also those who are wrong and they are the same few people. The best player in the world is Lionel Messi and he has every opportunity to make this world cup all about him. The diminutive Argentine has never really recaptured his club form for his country, but he has also never had a season as good as his last so it may be that Messi has stepped up a notch and is ready to take on the world. Messi isn't alone in the Argentine squad in being a big name with a big season behind him. Carlos Teves has scored 22 league goals for Manchester city this season Higuain bagged 27 in La Liga (less only than Messi). Diego Milito, the star of the Champion's League final, looks like a small fish in this pond. None of these hotshots however, have truely impressed their manager, only Javier Mascherano has been named the best in the world by Maradona who said his Argentina team is "Mascherano and 10 others".

Manager 

Diego Maradona has the potential to take a team with and endless trove of talent and turn it into a ridiculous shambles. If there is one shock world cup exit that would suprise nobody, it would be Argentina, because Maradona has caused them to spectacularly collapse. I don't expect to do this though, Maradona can also play a part in one of the most exiting world cup teams ever and his eccentricity would be central to it.  You never know what Diego Maradona will produce next and it may be that in 30 years time we are still talking about how he "tricked" the referee into allowing him to play 12 players. It would be a victory a little bit by the incompetent refereeing of god and a little bit by the head of Maradona.

UK Based Players

Javier Mascherano (Liverpool)
Jonas Gutierrez (Newcastle)
Maxi Rodriguez (Liverpool)
Carlos Teves (Man City) 

Greece

After Qualifying narrowly in a play of against Ukraine, we can all thank them for keeping Andriv Voronin away from the world cup. But that is not the Greeks' best Triumph - many of the current Greek squad were also at Euro 2004 where they sheocked us all by winning it. Does this mean they can shock us all again and win the World Cup? Probably not, but it goes to show that there is something about them. A lean defense and rigid team typify Greece (and their manager, Otto Rehhagel) but they also have a striker who takes his chances like the very best. Despite an unremarkable club career, Theofanis Gekas has scored 10 goals as Greece qualified for the World Cup finals, more than any other European. A combination
of convinction in front of goals and two big, hard and scary centrebacks are just what is needed for a series of scrappy victories. Greece will de disapointed with their recent friendly result against the World Cup finals' ultimate minnows, North Korea, who held Greece to a 2-2 draw.

Star players

  Greece are not blessed with the game's biggest names but their captain, Giorgos Karagounis, is a start. All of the teams creativity flows through him and both of Greece's goals agaist North Korea came front his free kicks being converted. Sotirios Kyrgiakos will be another important player, providing muscle and experiance in defence and will be an ariel threat from set pieces. Gekas is the other player woreth noting as he always performs for his country.

Manager

Managed by a German, Otto Rehhagal, Greece have and experienced tactition. He likes to play traditionally, favouring big physical players and a robust defense and coordinates his attacks down the flanks. Perhaps not the prettiest footballing display but he has the trophies to back it up - Euro 2004, a Cup Winner's Cup and three Bundesliga titles.

UK Based Players

Sotirios Kyrgiakos (Liverpool)
Georgios Samaras (Celtic)

Nigeria

Turbulence has followed Nigeria's preparation for this tournament and has caused them to replace their manager just three and a half months before their first game. This came after a disapointing African Cup of the Nations when many sources claimed that the Nigerian players had lied about their age - it is rumoured that Kanu is in his mid fourties and that Obafemi Martins is 32. As intruiging as these tales are, it doesn't really matter how old they are, just how able they are to play. The rumours do however highlight that the Nigeria team aren't as fit as their fans would like them to be. Other problems for Nigeria are the limited opportunities that Lars Lagerback, the new manager, has had to work with his team.

Key Players

Chelsea's John Obi Mikel is one of the most influential players in the squad and much of Nigeria's game will involve him. Joseph Yobo and Obefemi Martins are also both talented and will have to carry their country. Peter Odenwingie, of Locomotive Moscow, is perhaps the most creative player and has a great shot on him. Kanu is a big name but is more than passed it - he's not even good enough for Pompey. Edit: Mikels injured - they're fucked.

Manager

Lars Lagerback would have to be a very good mansager to steady the ship still rocking from his own appointment in time to get any thing from the World Cup. The Swede does however have an impressive CV: having managed at two World Cups and three European Championship.

UK Based Players

 
Joseph Yobo (Everton)
Danny Shittu (Bolton)
John Obi Mikel (Chelsea)
Dickson Etuhu (Fulham)
Nwankwo Kanu (Portsmouth)
Aiyegbeni Yakubu (Everton)
John Utaka (Porstmouth)

South Korea

Like Greece, South Korea are still clinging on to a decent tournament in the 2002 World Cup, where they reached the quarter finals. They may be one of Asia's top teams but they are far from being a favourite in South Africa. South Korea showed the world their might from a home stage in 2002 but no longer have a manager equal in calibre to Guus Hiddink  and will stuggle to match their best performance. Manchester United's Ji Sung Park will lead them out and is the most influential player in the side. Lee Chung Yong has impressed for Bolton this season and South Korea will look for him to do the same in south Africa.


Star Players

Park Ji Sung is the only big Champion's League player in the side but there are a few more who make an important contribution in decent European sides. These include Ki Sung Yong, Lee Chung Young and Park Chu Young.

Manager

 Huh Jung Moo - no, not a cow- the manager of the Korean Republic. Yea, I'd never heard of him until now too, but hes the guy kicking Maradona in this photo when South Korea met Argentina at the 2010 World Cup. Maybe Diego will get revenge now that they meet as managers.


UK Based Players

Park Ji Sung (Manchester United)
Lee Chung Yong (Bolton Wanderers)
Ki Sung Yong (Celtic)

So Who's Gonna Win? 
Argentina are the obvious favourates and although they have potential to self destuct I can see them failing to progress from this group. As for the other spot in the last 16, I'd have to give it to Greece - they seem the most organised and may not play pretty football but It wouldn't suprise me if they they ground out results against Nigeria and South Korea, especially with Mikel's injury 

World Cup Groups: Group A

Group A consists of South Africa, France, Mexico, and Uruguay

This group kicks off the tournament in the Soccer City stadium on the 11th of June when South Africa take on Mexico. Because the host nation is automatically seeded as A1, this group lacks a big name in the seeds so the other teams will look to take advantage of the lack of a giant but underachieving France may feel that they can naturally slot in as the big dog. A mixture of poor form from France and home advantage for the South Africans adds extra uncertainty to this group as all teams are certainly in with a chance of qualifying for the last 16 or even winning this group.

The winner of Group A will then play the runner up of Group B while the runner up of Group A will play the winner of Group B.

France

France are the favourites to win this group but made a hash of qualifying for the finals so wouldn't surprise us if they messed up again. It took a notorious hand ball from Thierry Henry to take France to the finals from a play off against the Republic of Ireland. The laboured qualifying campaign really shouldn't have left them in such position as a play-off bearing in mind the talent of the squad. They finished behind Serbia in their group, casting doubt on the suitability of Raymond Domenech's position as France manager. Nonetheless, France is a team of stars. Frank Ribery, Jeremy Toulalan, William Gallas, Patrice Evra, Thierry Henry and Nicolas Anelka - all huge names in world football who would be welcome in most squads. Such is the wealth of talent in France that Domenech has chosen to leave some massive names sat at home - Real's 35 million Euro man, Benzema, Arsenal's Samir Nasri and veteran midfielder Patrick Viera. This may show the depth of players in contention for a place in the French team but it also highlights the erratic nature of Raymond Domenech who, if France do well, it will most certainly be despite of rather than because of. French fans will have to hope that the energy and occasion of a World Cup can galvanise their team into realising their potential, but they must worry that this has not always been the case - as defending champions they failed to score a goal in the 2002 World Cup.


Star Players

 

Thierry Henry will always be a threat along with creative midfielders Frank Ribery and Yoann Gourcuff. on the defensive side France have some hard tackling holding players in Jeremy Toulalan and Alou Diarra infront of the experience William Gallas. Goalkeeper is the only area without some special players.

Manager

Raymond Domenech is generally considered an idiot and lunatic - more well rehearsed in astrology than in tactics. He will leave the most after the world cup to the joy of his nation. He is the thorn in the side of this French team.

UK based players

Barcary Sagna (Arsenal)
William Gallas (Arsenal)
Gael Clichy (Arsenal)
Abou Diaby (Arsenal)
Florent Malouda (Chelsea)
Nicolas Anelka (Chelsea)








South Africa

With a Fifa world ranking of 83 South Africa are statistically the second weakest team at the World Cup and probably the weakest host nation yet but a respectable performance in the confederations cup, losing only 2-0 to Spain and 1-0 to Brazil while finishing ahead of Iraq and New Zealand in their group to reach the semi final. They have an experienced manager in Carlos Alberto Parrierra who managed Brazil to World Cup victory in 1994. Only a handfull of Europe based players are in the squad and they are better described as "recognisable names" rather than big names. South Africa were exempt from world cup qualification so are a little less known in term of tournament form so far but may find an advantage in playing in their home country. There is always an extra motivation and degree of support in playing a tournament at home but South Africa may be able to find additional advantage from it. Johannesburg is situated at an altitude of 5751 ft (Ben Nevis is only 4409 ft high) so while many Europe based players may struggle to adapt, players of local clubs The Kaiser Chiefs and Orlando Pirates will be at home in these conditions. The atmosphere in South African football stadia is very different, rather than the traditional crown noises of songs, chants and applause, Vuvuzelas dominate the sound with something between a swarm of bees and a disorganised orchestra of Kazoos. Europe based players may find this unsettling but the South Africans will see it as a battle cry. This noise was evident at the 2009 Confederations cup so it will probably reoccur this summer. Watching Invictus will show you how home advantage has surged a team of South African underdogs to victory in the past so it would be understandable should South Africa exceed expectation this summer. I am not saying they will win the tournament, but they may give their group a run for their money. Bafana Bafana, as they call themselves, did however fail to qualify for the African Cup of Nations earlier this year.

Star Players

Everton's Steven Pienaar is the most dangerous player in the South Africa setup and West Ham's Benni McCarthy is their all time leading goal scorer with 35 goals to his name. Mountainous defender Matthew Booth (when you think you hear boos it is usually the crowd chanting his name) and Bernard Parker, who has had a fantastic season at FC TwenteTeko Modise is a talented play maker who is rumoured to be on the radar of a number of European clubs as the tournament nears.

Manager

Carlos Alberto Parriera is an experienced Brazilian with a World Cup medal on his CV, this was however with Brazil, a much greater trove of talent and he has won little with lesser teams.

UK based players

Aaron Mokoena (Portsmouth)
Steven Pienaar (Everton)
Kagisho Dikgacoi (Fulham)
Benni McCarthy (West Ham)











Mexico

Mexico are a side that are always there with some intent but never really threaten to topple the favourites. They may fancy their chances to qualify from this group with a mixture of key veterans and the best of the next generation coming through. Manager Javier Aguirre in in his second spell at the helm of his country's team after a fairly fruitful reign in 2001 and 2002 where he took them to the final of Copa America 2001 and in the 2002 World Cup took them to the last 16 having topped their group ahead of Italy. Since then he has enjoyed relative success at Osasuna and Atletico Madrid, elevating the level of each club but eventually getting sacked at Atlectico. The experienced captain, Rafael Marquez, will be a crucial part of Mexico's defense if they are to achieve anything in South Africa but must keep his head as he played a part in Mexico's demise in 2002 when he was send of for a headbutt on Cobi Jones in a winnable game against the USA.

Star Players

Mexico a lucky enough to enjoy the experience of some veterans who have been playing at a high level for quite some time such as Rafael Marquez of Barcelona and also a new group of young exciting players. The Dos Santos brothers, Giovanni and Jonathan (Giovanni impressed particularly in the recent friendly against England), Carlos Vela and Javier Hernandez, who has just been signed by Ferguson ahead of the World Cup because the Man Utd manager feared that after the tournament his price would soar.

Manager

Javier Aguirre is an excellent manager with a strong record. You can expect Mexico to be a difficult side to play.

UK based players

Giovanni Dos Santos (Tottenham - on loan at Galatasaray)
Carlos Vela (Arsenal)
Javier Hernandez (joins Man Utd this summer)








Uruguay

Uruguay's best days are behind them. Since winning the first World Cup in 1930 and again in 1950 they have enjoyed little success but there are some signs of a resurgence. After spending many years in the wilderness, some of the worlds most prolific strikers and some organised defenders. Diego Forlan of "He came from Uruguay, he made the scousers cry" fame has scores 63 goals in his last two seasons at Atletico Madrid and is partnered by Luis Suarez who has scored 74 goals in just 94 appearances for Ajax. They may not be the most glamorous strikers playing in Europe right now but by god they're effective - any team with such a ridiculously prolific front two must be taken seriously. Suarez's young team mate at Ajax, Nicolas Lodiero makes up the creative aspect of midfield while Walter Garango of Napoli and Diego Perez of Monaco protect the back four. Uruaguay have a solid centreback and captain in Diego Lugano. The team is mostly comprised of the bigger players from smaller clubs so combine well to make a solid team of evenly spread talent.

Star Players

I could write about their captain at the back of some reasonable midfielders but the players who managers will be worrying about before they face Uruguay are Forlan and Suarez, there records speak for themselves and will worry France, South Africa and Mexico.

Manager

Oscar Taberez gets around. Since he started managing at Bella Vista of Montevideo he has made his way through many of Uruguay's before moving through the rest of South America and onto Europe including stops at Boca Juniors and AC Milan

UK based players

none

So Who Will Go Through?

The outcome of this group depends on two things: whether France turn it on and whether South Africa make use of their home advantage. If France and South Africa can change things for the good they will both progress to the next round, but if they don't, Uruguay and Mexico have been better teams recently and will take the places in the last 16.

Goldenballs

We've all seen the new ball that Adidas have created for South Africa 2010, the Jabulani, but it was only this week that Fifa released a special version for use in the final - the Jo'bulani. Named after the host city, Johannesburg (or Jo'burg as it is commonly known) the world cup final ball taken a golden colour in reference to Jo'burg being the "City of Gold".

The ball has all  of the same scientific properties that make Fifa and Adidas rave about it, and inevitably will make some goalkeepers and managers criticize it in the ritual pre-tournament excuse making. This, were told, includes special ridges to allow players to get batter grip and achieve greater swirve of the ball, and thermo-something properties which make it even rounder than a sphere. To be honest I'm sure its just a football with a special design on it.

I quite like it and I quite like the fact that its especially for the final - something for the players to dream of kicking. Perhaps they will make replicas for David Beckham...

This just means that when I inevitably become a shock addition to the England squad, I'll be even more determined to score a hat-trick in the final so that I get to keep it.

The dullest three-nil ever played

Last night's Premier League fixture between Liverpool and West Ham United did not impress. The disinterested atmosphere seemed to diffuse from the stands, showing rare empty seats at Anfield, to the pitch where a lacklustre game ensued. Two of Liverpool's goals came from set pieces, where dire defending was more prominent than attacking prowess: Yossi Benayoun chested the ball in of the post after West Hams defence missed Gerrard's delivery and again in the second half another Gerrard free kick go the better of the Hammers when Sotirios Kyrgiakos managed to get a toe on the ball despite having a defender on either side of him and it rebounded of the post for Robert Green to knock it back into his own net. He won't want Capello to see that. 


The brighest moment came when Yossi Benayoun drifted off the left toutch line and found Maxi on the right flank who took a toutch before sending a low cross in for David N'gog to half-volley his finish. Nice, but again Robert Green should have done better.


Aside from the three goals there was very little excitement. West Ham never pressured the ball or showed any imagination, while Liverpool were content to pass the ball sideways at every opportunity, presumably saving their ideas and energy for Thursdays Europa League semi-final in Madrid or sidetracked by today's epic journey to the Spanish Capital. The game therefore had the feel of an end of season testimonial rather than a Premier League match between two teams desperately in need of points. 


This raises the question, why on earth did West ham take such a negative approach and why didn't they turn up? They certainly do have players capable of playing good football and scoring goals and with their current situation they ought to have plenty of motivation. Even if they did intend to grind out a draw through being well organised and difficult to break down (which would be ridiculous as those are two things that West Ham haven't been all season), there was no point in sitting back when trailing by two and three goals. The worst that could happen by attempting to attack and play football would be a damaged goal difference, which won't matter if they are behind Hull on points at the end of the season. West Ham looked like a team expecting relegation - which they really shouldn't because they are still three points above the drop zone. David Sullivan's message to the fans last month now seems even more appropriate.

Liverpool may have won the game and saved energy but with the spectacle they produced, they may as well have played behind closed doors and saved us all the bother.

My search for the best football video: 3 - Lego Bayern Munich

I'm sure I wasn't the only one to enjoy Arjen Robben's volley agaist Manchester United in the Champions league (both because is was brilliant and because it made Gary Neville sad) and I'm sure I'm not alone in finding this stop motion video just as good.

There the nice reminder of the game and it's result, of course, but its also just really cool. Part of me is annoyed that I didn't think it it fist but in reality I'm too lazy. I'm certainly too lazy to do it with such attention to detail evident throughout the video. There's not alot to say about this video, its just bloody good.

Yesterday was the one month anniversary of my last blogpost

...and What a hit son's millions of regular readers deserve better.

This season has now taken so many hairpin turns that it would not be unreasonable to back Liverpool to finish fourth and Arsenal first. Today saw the team we all thought would finish 4th in the 92nd minute concede to the team we all thought would finish second. That goal brings a great deal of doubt into both situations - especially when coupled with the result of the late kickoff where Spurs overcame Chelsea to get and foot in the champions league and weaken their opponents title ambitions.

Yes it is a bit far fetched to suggest that Arsenal win win the league but we've already ruled them out then in again in this seasons title race, just as we have Manchester United and Chelsea. Chelsea will be without John Terry against stoke through suspension and still have to visit Anfield; Man United still have to face on-form Tottenham. There is plenty of potential for yet another u-turn.

Again, I will concede that it is slightly optomistic to say Liverpool still have a chance to finish in fourth place, but Man City still have three losable games against Villa, Spurs and Arsenal and Tottenham would do well to take all points from Man United and Man City. There is a wealth of potential for Tottenham, Manchester city, Manchester United and Chealsea to all throw away their opportunities and for the season to take another turn or two.

So on the final day of the season, when Liverpool visit Hull, dont be suprised to see them leading the game and cruising into 4th place with 20 minutes to go, only for Rafa benitez to substitute Fernando Torres for the reserve goalkeeper, Diego Cavelieri and Lucas to chip his own keep from 40 yards in the 93rd minute to hand the last champions league place back to Man City.

Liverpool, where have you been all season?

Last night saw the return of the Liverpool side that played in the later part of last season, beautiful and effective football with everyone playing well. There seemed to be an injection of creativity into the side as they put four goals past Pompey. Yes, they are botom of the league and destined for relegation but Portsmouth played some nice football last night and have recently shown that they are capable of performing such as in their immpessive FA Cup run.

Having Fernando Torres and Steven Gerrard back and increasingly sharp will please Liverpool fans, but it was the emergance of summer signing Alberto Aquilani as a reasonable player that provides the most hope. Of course, it is no secret that the reds have missed Alonso this season and that his supposed replacement, Aquilani, has for one reason or another not filled his boots. Last night however the Italian adopted Alonso's deep playmaker role expertly and perhaps even added something to the role that his predecesor had mastered. He may not have quite the passing range of Alonso but a collection of simple forward balls to start attacks was adequete and he made a fantantic pass to Torres for the 4th goal. What he does that Alonso didnt do is run . Silly as it sounds, I can think of very few occasions where alonso ran forward in an attacking move, perhaps his goal against Arsenal in his first season at Anfield. The fastest he ran in a Liverpool shirt was while celebrating his goal in the champions league final.

In contrast Aquilani was willing to run all over the pitch, both with and without the ball. His running with the ball may not be the silky skillfull forward runs of Kaka, but they spark a reaction from defenders who in turn gift him some space to play the ball into. His runs off the ball last night were superb, a memorable example was a continuation of his run after he had made a pass - he continued all the way down the pitch into the Portstmouth box where he revieved the ball again and was unfortunate to see his ambitious volley go wide. through out the game he was always moving and played a few delightful 1-2s with Stevie G. While Liverpool still miss Alonso, an alternative assistor to the assists and instigator of sttacks may have emergeged in time for a late charge.

But alas, will Rafa see it the same way? I have a feeling that Benitez will prefer lucas for the match at Old Trafford - he has always looked to play two holding midfielders and may feel that these cunning runs are nothing more than going absent without leave. Rafa liked the fact the Alonso was often reluctant to leave the centre circle and I suspect that the reason why we have seen so little of Aquilani is not that he is stuggling to regain match fitness, but that he has been deemed a defensive liability. The less glamourous and offensivly inept Lucas rarely attacks - he merely supports attacks from deep, and this may be what Benitez is looking for.

Perhaps Rafa is right though. It's easy to drop a defensive midfielder at home against the bottom of the league team but away at Old Trafford I'd have to agree that your defense needs maximum pretection. Maybe the increased form shown by other players in last night's game will be enough to put a run together. For example Ryan Babel played exceptionally last night and along with a nice goal and a few good runs, he was even willing to defend.

One way or another, liverpool will be looking to biuld on this win.

If he can score a hatrick so can I!

All around the world last night, rubbish footballers were given a sprig of hope. Nicklas Bendtner scored a hatrick in Arsenal's 5-0 rout of Porto. While we would all have been shocked with one goal he completely knocks our armchair-pundit brains out with three!

The first came as he picked up the pieces after a collision between Arshavin, Helton and Nuno Coelho for a simple finish. 15 minutes later Arshavin was again involved as he set bendtner up for a tap in which (to everyones surprise) he converted. It was then inevitable when Arsenal were 4-0 up and were awarded a penalty that Bendtner would get the opportunity to complete his Hatrick. Oh how the cynic in me longed for him to blaze it over the bar, but alas Bendtner got his hatrick. It wasn't the prettiest of hatricks but that doesn't matter to the statistics.

Bendtner made all the headlines but the special moment of the match came from Samir Nasri who pick up the ball by the toutchline with three men around him. He proceeded to not only beat them all but seeminly beat them over and over again until he was eight yards from goal and a tight angle and fired a perfect finish in at the far post. For me this is one of the best goals you'll see this season. Just ignore the ridiculous comments made by Andy Gray in the clip.

Just in case you still thought John Terry was a reasonable guy...

John Terry today went out of his way to show the world his lack of remorse following his affair with Wayne Bridges girlfriend. He scored in the FA cup corner final (with what I must admit was a beautifully headed goal from Malouda's corner) and the turn away, and liften his sleeve in an attempt to expose his captains armband - a clear reference to the fact that he is no longer England captain.

There are a number of ways in which you can read into this - all of these suggest that he is a prick. Perhaps he is telling Capello that he was wrong to remove his captaincy, but is it wise to keep stirring up trouble so close to the world cup? And even so this must mean that he doesn't respect his managers decision or realise what he has done wrong. Perhaps its a gesture to Wayne Bridge after he humiliated him last week by refusing to shake his hand, but surely it is time for Terry to admit that he has betrayed his friend. Another possibility is that Terry is laughing at the whole ordeal. Yes, it often is a good idea to look at the funny side, but Terry's actions and the way he has jeopardised England's world cup hopes by slashing down their team spirit really shouldn't amuse him so much. The boy needs to grow up, stop fannying around and just play football.

He proved his lack of sorry by refusing to apologise in an odd situation. A journalist asked him to sign an autograph "To Wayne, I'm Sorry. John Terry". He refused even a joke apology


To sum up, John Terry is being a total twat.

My search for the best football video: 2. "Take It To The Next Level"

To make up for the fact that my Total 90s hurt my feet, Nike like to treat us to some pretty nice adverts. This one is made by Guy Ritchie and was the first in this style, notably copied by the FA in their advert.

It takes a first person view as the protagonist progresses from some lowly football existance to playing for Arsenal in the Premier League and Champions League and playing international football for Holland. He Plays, Trains and indulges in the glamorous lifestyle of an Arsenal player while encountering a variety of stars such as, Wenger, Fanbregas, Gallas, Rooney, Ronaldo, Van Nistlerooy and Ronaldinho. Its quite coold and original. Just watch it.

Hand shakes, broken legs and finess training

Been busy - have missed a few things that I intended to write about. Here's a very summary to get back up to speed.

Chelsea played at the San Siro. They lost. How sad
Liverpool and Fulham won in the Europa League while Everton lost. Ryan Babel used some skill.

Wayne Bridge ruled himself out of playing for England because he doesn't like John Terry. How inconvenient.
Wayne Bridge refused to shake John Terry's hand because he doesn't like John Terry.
Wayne Bridge's Man City won 4-2 at Stamford Bridge, hes really happy about this because he doesn't like John Terry.

Aaron Ramsey snapped himself in a 50/50 with Ryan Shawcross. It looked innocent but the men on the TV won't show us a decent replay. Arsene Wenger had a strop and said Shawcross should be banned - rumour has it that he saw the incident. Shawcross is better than Ramsey and Wenger. Oh and Shawcross got a call up to the England squad.

Fernando Torres Started for the fisrt tme in aaaages. Good news for Liverpool.

Man Utd won the League cup against Villa. Rooney didn't start but came on to score the winner. Yes, a header again. Michael Owen scored too, then realised he had reached his goal quota for this spell of fitness, so he pulled his hamstring. Vidic should have been sent of in the 5th minute - Villa fans will be livid.

Fergie has decided that Roonery will be injured for the England match. How convenient.

Rooney has pleaded for fans to not boo John Terry on Wednesday.
It is expected that Wayne Bridge will lead the booing at Wembley.

Portsmouth picked up three point - but it doesnt really matter because they are in the process of losing 9.

thats us just about up to speed.

Oh, one more thing.

James Cordon has been appointed new fitness coach at United.



It seems that Wes Brown is very in to this

My search for the best football video: 1. "The Infection"

I am going to seek out the best football compilations; for the game, a team or for a player, along with football adverts or any other video about football and post one here each week.

The first is the winner of a "soccer clips" competition in 2009 and is made by someone known as "RHD". It's breathtaking, have a look:



After a brief intro it begins with the soundtrack to the 1997 Sky Sports advert with Sean Bean, If there's anything closer to poetry in football, I'm yet to find it. Call me a philistine, but the words spoken by Sean Bean in that advert sound better to me than those of any acclaimed poet; Wilfred Owen, Robert Burns, Siegfried Sassoon and William Shakespeare have nothing on the words spoken in that advert and at the start of this video.

The music then moves into some piano track that becomes faster and adds a dance beat before sounding a little like metal. Its a bit intense - a bit over emotional - but that seems to be why the video is trying to do so it works. Its definitely far better than the Cascada-esque soundtracks that plague youtube's collection of football compilations. Finally, the third stage of the soundtrack uses the famous speech from the 1976 film "Network", excellently delivered by Peter Finch. RHD mixes this, again, with piano music which becomes more aggressive sounding until its some form of piano-metal. The soundtrack may be excellent, but I can't help feeling that the best of it is borrowed. The first part is exactly the same as the Sky advert it was taken from and the last part centres around a speech stolen from a film. Nonetheless, it works and the images and video clips have been carefully selected to both match the content and rhythm of the soundtrack.

Visually, the video takes us through countless clips of celebrating, scoring and collapsing in despair. It shows us most of footballs famous faces, and we see brief glimpses of memorable scenes such as Drogba's post match hissy-fit against Barcelona in last season Champion's League and Vladimir Smicer's goal in Istanbul. Many of the clips, however, are indecipherable. The visual effect and speed of flickering images means that all one sees is Ronaldinho's face - someones foot - Christiano Ronaldo - ball - cheering fans - ball hitting net. It may be visually interesting, but the occasions where you can tell what you're watching are rare. On one occasion a quote is seen but I'm yet to meet anyone capable of reading it without pausing. Incidentally, it is George Boateng: "His tricks annoy people. One day someone will hurt Christiano". Yup - that piece of wisdom was really worth pausing for!

Single words flash up on the screen equally quickly, often stating an emotion associated with football. Towards the end of the piece they string together sentences complaining about the greed in football:
"As we use all of our money for the teams and players we support and love, over and over again they betray you in hope of more money for the ugly, for the new power in the beautiful game"
The images then shows players who have left their clubs for the big money move: Owen, Ronaldo, Alonso, Beckham and Kaka. As the feel of the video gets more angry the words on the screen ask "what the fuck?" before suggesting that we have all become infected. Deep, eh?

That's what makes this video so good, It may have lots of stylised clips and a cool soundtrack but its rare to find such a well put together message on a football video. A more common message would be "I like Rooney". It emotionally charges the viewer by reminding them how much football means to them at the beginning then rips this up by exposing the darker sides to the game.

So this is what the Europa League feels like...

.


It is quite some time since Liverpool last occupied that spot on Thursdays on Channel 5 - last appearing in the Uefa Cup in a a defeat to Marseilles under the guidance of Gerard Houllier in March 2004. Both Liverpool and the competition have changed since then; Liverpool have developed into one of Europe's footballing powers again and The Uefa cup has been rebranded as the Europa League.

Nonetheless, last night Unirea Urziceni visited Anfield for has to be the dullest game played there in recent times. The only argument to contradict this is that there was no football played - Unirea tried to avoid playing football at Anfield (presumably with the intention of hitting Liverpool on the return leg) and the unimaginative Liverpool seemed happy to go along with Unirea's plans. For most of the game Liverpool had possession 20 to 30 yards from the Unirea goal and would pass from the centre to the left wing, back to the centre, then to the right before returning it to the centre and then the left. Occasionally one of the more ambitious players, usually Aurelio, would shoot at goal, only to hit one of the 11 Unirea players camped in their box.

There were some chances. Gerrard forced an excellent save from Giedrius Arlauskis in the fist minute after being played in by Kuyt. Stevie G again went close in the second half when he almost provided us with a vintage Gerrard moment: taking the ball on his chest before flicking it round the defender and hitting it on the half volley. Had it been a foot to the right we would have been talking about it for years to come.

It was a combination of substitutes who finally created the games only goal. Ryan Babel, on for the ineffective Riera, lofted a high cross to the back post where the 19 year old Dani Pacheco, on for Alberto Aquilani, nodded back across goal for David N'gog to finish - heading in from two yards. The clear positive being Dani Pacheco, on only his third appearence, getting an assist and looking good. The young Spaniard moved to Liverpool from Barca in 2007 and has impressed in the reserves. When you see Pacheco one of the most obvious things is that he is only 5 ft 6, so it will have been a relief to Liverpool fans that he was able to demonstrate is aerial ability last night. He is certainly one to watch for the future. Another Positive from the goal may be Ryan Babel's involvement, but Alas it was his only positive contribution and was an over hit cross that was more rescued than utilised by Pacheco. Babel was not significantly worse than the rest of the Liverpool team, but did provoke the quote of the evening heard in the pub: "He can't even dive properly!".

The other thing that must be mentioned on this blog's first words on the Europa League, is the bizarre sight of seeing man in a tracksuit wandering around on the pitch between the edge of the box and the corner flag. This was one of the the new extra officials Uefa is experimenting with at either end. I'm not quite sure what they actually do and it seems that neither are they, but perhaps I've just not seen the sort of incident that they will help with. They do look odd. Wearing tracksuits when the referee, the linesmen and even the fourth official wear shorts makes them look a little like someone warming up, and their positioning seems unsure and needless. When are they supposed to venture onto the pitch and why? Perhaps in five years time all of this will seem normal. Perhaps.

So, Liverpool labour over a 1-0 victory at home to Unirea while Fulham overcome Shakhtar Donetsk, but I leave you with something else from the Europa League. Remember Jose Antonio Reyes, used to play at Arsenal? well he produced something special last night! What a hit, son! who said the Europa League was a second rate competition.

Never mind Prettyboy Beckham, It’s all about the ugly lads!

From the moment the draw was made, all the talk around the AC Milan and Manchester Utd was Beckham facing his former club, but with few exceptions, he was anonymous. The match was not won, as a fairytale might have had it, by a vintage Beckham free kick, it was won by the latest in a long line of Manchester United Talismen – Wayne Rooney. Instead of seeing media savvy, wannabe model Beckham this morning, the back pages are dominated by a gurning Rooney and rightly So. Two goals, an involvement in everything that was good about the English side and an all round inspired performance made Rooney the difference between the sides.

His first goal was a lovely header at the back post, using his strength to beat Daniele Bonera to the ball and looping his header across the face of goal and into the far corner; his second used all round good play – controlling the long ball and laying it off to Fletcher before running into the box and heading into the goal – simple and elegant.

His form is fantastic and has come at the right time for England to have a serious go at the World Cup in South Africa, but it was another unsightly player who impressed me the most. Ronaldinho looks better every time I see him at the moment. During his fall from grace he stopped trying his audacious tricks and seemed to enjoy the game less. He’s now looking a lot more like the ‘Dinho we all remember from 4-5 years ago. I’m sure everybody remembers his performance against England in Korea in 2002, where he chipped Seaman from a free kick to score the winner. What struck me in that game was his constant grin – as though he had just invented teeth – even while being sent off. Yes, I know people will joke that he couldn’t fit his grotesque teeth into his mouth, but he certainly found a way to hide them and look miserable in his final season at Barca. Last night that distinctive grin showed signs of return as he showed us some of his special touches with his front teeth hanging out. A nice back heel, getting through two challenges to get a shot on goal complimented an array of exquisite passes. He may not have been a match winner like Rooney but his goal and assist keep Milan in touch ahead of the second leg.

There were still some noticeable holes in Ronaldinho, firstly his Dick Van Dyke style goal celebration was just rubbish. There was an occasion where he received the ball on the left wing and dribbles in front of the defence to the right wing where he lost the ball despite having numerous options along the way. He was derided by Andy Gray later on for losing the ball and making little effort to win it back, but the point is that he is an attacking option – a gamble. Even when he was considered to be the world’s best he wouldn’t’ track back very well. If you’re worried about the defensive side of his game you could play a no-nonsense hard tackling Midfielder alongside him – Milan have Gatusso and Brazil have Lucas (perhaps I’ve finally found a use for him). On some of his efforts he might have done better, one effort was right at Van der Sar and he comically miscued an overhead kick. Perhaps in time he will regain consistency in his tricks and flicks and every shot will be lethal again, but in the mean time he may as well continue to try the spectacular – we all know he’s capable of it and it’s great to watch. Dunga is a fool if he leaves him out of his world cup plans.

A nod must be given to another couple of funny looking buggers – the others goal scorers: Paul Scholes and Clarence Seedorf. Scholes’s equaliser was an interesting one – swung his right foot at the ball only to miss completely and have it hit his left leg and roll in at the bottom corner. Very lucky. Any other player would have celebrated with a hint of embarrassment, perhaps a bit like one might celebrate an own goal, but Paul Scholes wheels round and celebrates as is he’s scored a 40 yard screamer. Is he trying to con us into thinking that was deliberate? No chance ginger nuts.

Seedorf's goal was a clever little backheel flick from Ronniedinho’s pass – a little annoying because a few minutes before when he came on as a substitute I announced to my friend that Seedorf was overrated and shouldn’t have as many trophies to his name as he does. So up he pops and scores, plays a few good passes and shows us some skills – maybe he heard me.

So to sum up: great match, Rooney and Ronaldinho are both unsightly but talented, Scholes and Seedorf are bastards, and I can only hope that Arsenal Vs Porto tonight is as good.