99 pieces of hatred

As much as I love football:
1. I hate Manchester United
2. I hate Gary Neville
3. I hate Gary Neville’s face
4. I hate Phil Neville
5. I even hate the name Neville
6. I hate frank Lampard
7. I hate his face
8. I hate Christiano Ronaldo and I hate that he is talented
9. I hate Alex Fergusson and his chewing gum
10. I hate the fact that he has a KBE when Bob Paisley and Brian Clough
11. I hate the fact that Jimmy Bullard will never be the player I think he is
12. I hate Joey Barton
13. I hate Sepp Blatter and enjoy watching the YouTube clip of him falling over - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mu7i5CJq3mg
14. I hate David James’s haircuts even on the rare occasion that he tries a normal one
15. I hate when a Liverpool player dives
16. I hate losing
17. I hate that I support a team that ought to win
18. I hate Ryan gigs and that he won sports personality of the year
19. I hate Nicklas Bendtner
20. I hate Andrei Voronin
21. I hate Blackburn rovers
22. I hate that Blackburn rovers have won the premier league
23. I hate the way the badge on a football shirt rubs against my nipple
24. I hate Chelsea
25. I hate watching Traore’s own goals
26. I hate that Manchester united seem to have another generation of superstars coming through
27. I hate that Wenger’s “brilliant with youth” reputation
28. I hate seeing countless “next big things” come through the Liverpool ranks only to end up at Preston North End
29. I hate the name “Europa league”
30. I hate that I actually quite like Jose Morinho
31. I hate that it was only after he had left Chelsea that I was ready to admit this
32. I hate Real Madrid’s transfer policy
33. I hate Adebayor
34. I hate Tim Cahill
35. I hate it when he scores
36. I hate that Scotland are shit and that Craig Levein is the manager
37. I hate that I’m rubbish at football
38. I hate watching Alan Shearer on MOTD
39. I hate Rio Ferdinand and all his family
40. I hate Jamie Redknapp’s suits
41. I hate Harry Redknapp’s floppy face
42. I hate Cheryl Cole’s husband
43. I hate that Man city are 4th
44. I hate Cesc Fabregas
45. I hate Graham poll
46. I hate Jeff Winters
47. I hate Frances Jeffers but I can’t remember why
48. I hate Sam Allardyce
49. I hate that Owen Coyle moved to Bolton
50. I hate Man utd fans
51. I hate people who don’t watch football but still claim to be a man utd fan
52. I hate that despite all my Predictions, Darren Fletcher is successful
53. I hate Paul Scholes
54. I hate Kenny Miller and that he might actually be the best Scotland have
55. I hate having to support David N’gog
56. I hate that John Arne Riise left Liverpool
57. I hate when couch potatoes accuse players of being girls after having a set of studs dragged down their shin
58. I hate that rugby gets a reputation for being the more acceptable and gentlemanly sport
59. I hate seeing fat Newcastle fans topless
60. I hate Caroline cheese’s voice
61. I hate hearing the same crap every season and before every major tournament
62. I hate how much footballers get paid and I hate that I feel the need to defend these salaries – “keepers have been complaining about the way the ball moves through the air”
63. I hate Danny Dyer and that he’s associated with football
64. I hate people who associate Zidane with his headbutt more than his genius
65. I hate Marco Materazzi
66. I hate that so many people developed an unexplained liking for Italy before major tournaments
67. I hate that I understand Italian football so little
68. I hate the commentary on Fifa
69. I hate club owners that aren’t football fans
70. I hate being asked the score or who is playing when watch football on tv
71. I hate the debt that football clubs put themselves in
72. I hate the way that players show such little loyalty to fans that devote everything to the players
73. I hate Graeme Souness and his nack for ruining good clubs and enjoying moderate success at scummy clubs. He also irritates me in his far too regular tv appearences.
74. I hate Diouf and do not need to explain why
75. I hate the fact that I have a signed photo of Diouf
76. I hate Steve McClaren and his put on Dutch accent
77. I hate the nickname “The Red Devils”
78. I hate the music accompanying football compilations on YouTube
79. I hate Adrian Chiles’s new beard
80. I hate International breaks
81. I hate it when players get injured playing for their country (usually Torres)
82. I hate that I can’t listen to Jonathan Pearce commentary without thinking I’m watching robot wars.
83. I hate that after watching him for years people still feel the need to say that Peter Crouch is “good with his feet for a big lad”
84. I hate Michael Owen – the standard traitor
85. I hate how underrated Heskey is
86. I hate seeing a happy Man utd fan
87. I hate when people go on about Beckham’s goal against Wimbledon in ’96 – I can think of so many better long range efforts
88. I hate the fact that some people still think it’s worth taking Michael Owen to the world cup despite him being shit, old, not playing any football, and (most importantly) a massive prick
89. I hate that every time Robbie Keane moves to a new club it turns out that this was the club he supported as a boy
90. I hate FA cup weekend when it turns out I don’t really care about any of the results
91. I hate that I watch matches hoping for injuries and red cards
92. I hate that I still sometimes laugh at Danny Shittu’s name
93. I hate that sometimes I don’t laugh and Danny shittu’s name
94. I hate that nobody seems to realise how ridiculously expensive the Spurs squad is
95. I hate hearing people argue over who is better between Maradona and Pele based on a handful of video clips because they’ve never seen them play
96. I hate that FIFA has a French name
97. I hate that you need to be French or North African to be “the next Zidane” and you need to be black to be “The new Makalele”
98. I hate the fact that despite my intentions of keeping this blog impartial, it is now blindingly obvious that I’m a Liverpool fan
99. I hate the fact that I’ve just written so many bad things about the game I love



All that and I actually quite like Craig Bellamy